She pretends to be someone else
She pretends to be herself
She sits huddled in a corner, in the dark
Inside a room, inside a room, inside a room.
Come out to play asks the little boy
Wishing she could
Like the good old days
Falling off the bike and clambering on again
Even with bloody dirt, scrapes and bruises.
Not today I'm afraid
Hell and demons have come to play
Come again another day

Breaking 101

Cue to modern day 2006. I’m popping. I’m locking. I’m toprocking. I’m battling. Somebody slap me, what on earth, I’ve taken up an eight week Breakdancing workshop. Now all I need is the nylon tracksuit with matching green sneakers.

That night before heading out to my first class, my head was in a dark, desolate and foggy haze. In a place that only time can heal. I drove to class, uninspired and empty.

I was nervous, not knowing what to expect, and scared I would land on my face. But I actually learnt some moves I had seen in Run DMC and Dirty Vegas videos. Besides the technical aspect of it, it’s like learning a whole new language. Towards the end of class, we are instructed to get into a Cypher. Yeah I know. A what? It’s a circle where a person jumps into the middle and freestyles. The circle adds to the energy by doing their own footwork on the spot. The feeling of being in the centre is utterly amazing. It’s feels different somehow. I’m in a Cypher! It’s feels like you’re able to harness the room’s collective adrenalin and energy and it flows out through your own body.

An hour and a half and a Cypher later….I was full of pure unadulterated joy and gratitude, and a feeling of being alive. It made me feel like a kid again. Where the walls of consciousness and inhibitions were gone. I danced as if no one was watching. And that’s a pretty cool feeling. As I stepped out of the circle, the instructor yells out “Yo girl, that’s sic!”

Another variation…the Apache Line. Where opposing crews stand in two parallel lines facing each other. When the beats are thrown on, it’s time to battle! It’s like a ping pong game. One person from each crew takes turns stepping towards the middle to do their thing, then steps back to challenge the other crew. In our first battle, we had a man down. A guy totally froze. He couldn’t take that step into the limelight. Filled with the stricken agitation of a chicken, he repeatedly flapped his arms and declined his turn. Despite the urging of everyone, he couldn’t will his legs to move. Blackhawk down, he crashed and burned.

If nothing else, cuz it sure ain’t practical (ie. Cousin Hilda’s wedding), I’m having too much fun with it. There’s quite the freedom to be creative and spontaneous. You can make ANYTHING into a move, as long as you do it with flair. But some nights when we do technical and power moves, my whole body hurts. We learn the 6-step, the baby crab freeze. We prop our entire bodies off the floor using our arms to leverage the weight. I’m doing headstands I thought I had forgotten, and upside down pushups. It’s actually quite crazy. Like gymnastics meets cirque du soleil. I return home exhausted. I crash into bed muscles aching, but with a smile. I’m sic, yo :)

Birth of breaking

All right stop! Collaborate and listen….

While the 80’s gave us Vanilla Ice, the 70’s gave us the birth of breakdancing. Otherwise, known as breaking or b-boying/b-girling. Though the actual origins are controversial, there’s no denying that it leads back to the streets of the Bronx. It’s been said, that rival gangs used breakdancing as a way to mediate and settle territorial differences. Truth be told, that sounds a little too Disney story-book to me. I can’t imagine anyone with ghetto street cred solving their differences through fancy figure-eight footwork.

Being a competitive and aggressive style of dance, it seems more likely that it would have deepened, if not triggered rivalry, among individuals or gangs. It’s a turn-based performance, where each crew member takes turns to out-perform the other crew with their superior power or style moves. The moves were meant to intimidate, threaten and show strength. Some were theatrical miming of violent motions – like pulling out a gun, or cutting someone’s throat.

Whether the past lies in an illustrious or violent history, it has evolved to a more popular subculture of hip hop culture. Through James Brown and New York dance crews, it gained momentum to become a more positive and entertaining means of expression.

Hip bone connected to the...

I've recently developed a hip problem. Sharp pangs in my hip socket and hip flexor when I put pressure on them at certain angles. It's funny, cuz I'm way too young for hip problems! Man, I feel like I'm 90 years old. Help, I'm falling apart. I don't even know how it happened, no incident of note. Just woke up one day, and noticed it.

Normally I would just shrug it off. Not painful enough to disrupt my normal daily routine. But I'm taking some dance classes, and it's affecting my agility and range of motion.

I'm upping my bikram yoga attendance, in hopes it'll help. It helped with my past injury when I tore some knee cartilage. Some of the yoga postures mildly cuts off circulation to a particular body part, when the posture is released, fresh blood & oxygen is supplied to that area.

I've been thinking of my hip problem on a more metaphysical level as of late.

It's well known that there is a mind-body connection when it comes to your physical health. But there apparently exists a relationship between the location of a physical ailment to a particular health or mental issue. For example, pain in the hips point to problems in moving forward in life.
Metaphorically this makes sense. You need your hips to help you move your legs forward one step at a time.

Hmmm, something for me to think about. Is my body telling me something that I didn't know on a conscious level?

Best Movie Quote Ever

Fenster: Man, I had a finger up my asshole tonight.
Hockney: Is it Friday already?

Things I want to do

My desk is cluttered with pieces of paper with thoughts, ideas and reminders jotted on them. I'm a list making freak! I have revolving evolving lists. Done, scratch, new, apend, not even started, leave on, in progress, stay on, done, checkmark, add new.

I think it's a great way of inspiring yourself. Through brainstorming, I usually learn new things about myself. By writing it down, it helps me to clarify all those random ideas floating in my head....that usually tends to float off into the land of forgotten. Be it frivolous or meaningful, it's good to just let your mind wander and get inspired.

1. Visit the motherland...Malaysia
2. Declutter my desk and closet
3. Take deep breaths
4. Buy my own home, build a deck
5. Find my purpose on earth
6. Live with passion and compassion
7. Build a rock zen garden, grow a peach blossom tree
8. Let go
9. Dive the Great Barrier Reef
10. Meet a panda bear
11. Be fluent in Cantonese
12. Learn how to read palms
13. Take care of my parents financially in retirement
14. Know how to throw a punch
15. Win the lottery
16. Become an international spy
17. Take the Myer-Briggs personality test
18. Organize my photos
19. Save 10% more of my paycheque
20. Take breakdancing or Kathak (a classical Indian dance) classes
21. Brush my teeth with my left hand
22. Visit India
23. Learn how to make creme caramel
24. Go to sleep an hour earlier every night
25. Eat more dark green leafy vegetables
26. Read between the lines
27. Expect less, give more
28. Read the Art of War by Sun Tzu
29. Call my brother once a week
30. Not sacriface comfort for beautiful, sexy shoes
31. Exercise my brain in new ways to strengthen and create neural connections
32. Stop scowling at strangers on the subway
33. Hold commitments to myself as sacred
34. Wear at least SPF 15 everyday
35. Lapdance for someone
36. Re-string my tennis raquet

Bikram

I haven't gone to Bikram Yoga class for over 3 months. I've been waiting for a piercing to heal good and well before I went back to sweat all over it. The hiatus is over, I finally went back. I almost didn't because of laziness. Let me tell you, it felt good to overcome that! But it was a close call. The ham and cheese sandwich digesting in my belly almost did me in. The couch almost wheedled me to stay home. WPT on TV was whispering sweet nothings in my ear...World Poker Tour for those not in the know :) But I'm very proud that I got to class. It was a great work-out and at the end thoroughly exhausted, I thanked myself for doing something good for myself.